Once upon a time, there was a girl who gave everything she had to other people because she never wanted to be alone. But those people got tired of her. She wasn’t always nice to them. You see, she would work for them and cook for them and clean for them and make nice things for them and even buy nice things for them with the little bit of money she had…but the people wanted this all of the time. And she couldn’t clean and cook and work all of the time. So, some times, she would become very sad and angry at the people for wanting to much from her and not caring about her. When she cried the people got angry, they told her she was too young and did not know how to act. The told her that they sacrificed so much for her to be here, they let her live with them and let her be a part of their family. They took her places so she would not be alone anymore and she should be grateful because they did more for her than anyone and all she did was think about herself.
The girl thought about all this, and she knew how much she needed the people, so she would apologize and vow to better next time…but the next time and the next time, the same thing kept happening. She did not want to leave the people and be alone…but she feared the people were dishonest, she feared they just wanted to use her, but mostly she feared she could never be herself or be happy with the people.
First, I’d like to apologize for not posting in a few days…I was dealing with that whole SC issue and it wasn’t easy.
You know, I spend most of my time doing things for B. Maybe I take him for granted sometimes yes, but it goes both ways. Yesterday and today are prime examples (and it’s only 8 in the morning). During work I set his phone up so he could retrieve our balance information via text. This way he can always find out how much money we have. Thoughtful right? I thought so.
Then, I go to the grocery store and he wants the truck, so I stop what I’m doing and walk all the way to the front of the store to give him the keys to the truck, no complaints. So he says he needs to pick up a few parts, gotcha. I finish grocery shopping and I drop the bags of clothes off at Good Will so he can stop complaining. Then, I go home. When I get home, he’s not there. I call him. No answer. See, I had planned to not only wash the vehicles but also clean them out. So I clean out his and wait. He doesn’t get home until 10 ish so the truck (which is what I drive to work) didn’t get cleaned out. Then he bitches at me for accidentally leaving the windows down on the suburban. I also cleaned that suburban out for you…your welcome.
So that was yesterday…
This morning, he tells me to get him him up at five, so the alarm goes off and he asks if I’m gonna make his lunch (I’m exhausted and want just a few more minutes of sleep but he bitches “you said you were gonna make my lunch.” How old are we? Can you not make your own lunch??) So, I get up and fry some eggs and bacon and put them on toast and make another sandwich and add some snacks and drinks and lay back down for twenty minutes. Then the alarm for 6 am goes off. I nudge him a few times to get up and turn it off, he yells at me. YELLS AT ME???? What the FUCK did I do?! So I get up, slam the door and knock over the fan (he was cold anyway). And I go out to the truck. It’s a MESS. So, I clean the truck out, come in and wake him up. He doesn’t get up. I do my hair and makeup and wake him up, he wants up at seven (he’s supposed to be at work at seven). Fine, whatever. I eat breakfast, make my lunch, and get some clothes out for him. It’s seven, I wake him up. He yells and bitches at me because I got him the wrong clothes. Then he gets his stuff and kisses me and asks, “Are you gonna miss me today?”
He didn’t apologize, he didn’t say thank you. He just bitched, joked and left.
I take second prize for being selfish, I admit that…but B? B has taken first all week.
Going Out Tonight and Fuck Him,
P.S. Pray I don’t fall asleep at work today.
B was asking me about my blog and what I write about. I said, “oh ya know, things on my mind, stuff that happens in my life, problems and issues I’m having, just random stuff.” He says, “Personal stuff?” I tell him yeah, apparently he thinks it’s really weird that I write personal details about my life on the internet for all to see. Wasn’t I just thinking that a few posts ago? Ha, I told him it’s not weird, it’s therapeutic. Now he wants to read my blog. Oye!
It’s Anonymous for a Reason Honey,