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First, I’d like to apologize for not posting in a few days…I was dealing with that whole SC issue and it wasn’t easy.

 

You know, I spend most of my time doing things for B. Maybe I take him for granted sometimes yes, but it goes both ways. Yesterday and today are prime examples (and it’s only 8 in the morning). During work I set his phone up so he could retrieve our balance information via text. This way he can always find out how much money we have. Thoughtful right? I thought so.

Then, I go to the grocery store and he wants the truck, so I stop what I’m doing and walk all the way to the front of the store to give him the keys to the truck, no complaints. So he says he needs to pick up a few parts, gotcha. I finish grocery shopping and I drop the bags of clothes off at Good Will so he can stop complaining. Then, I go home. When I get home, he’s not there. I call him. No answer. See, I had planned to not only wash the vehicles but also clean them out. So I clean out his and wait. He doesn’t get home until 10 ish so the truck (which is what I drive to work) didn’t get cleaned out. Then he bitches at me for accidentally leaving the windows down on the suburban. I also cleaned that suburban out for you…your welcome. 

So that was yesterday…

This morning, he tells me to get him him up at five, so the alarm goes off and he asks if I’m gonna make his lunch (I’m exhausted and want just a few more minutes of sleep but he bitches “you said you were gonna make my lunch.” How old are we? Can you not make your own lunch??) So, I get up and fry some eggs and bacon and put them on toast and make another sandwich and add some snacks and drinks and lay back down for twenty minutes. Then the alarm for 6 am goes off. I nudge him a few times to get up and turn it off, he yells at me. YELLS AT ME???? What the FUCK did I do?! So I get up, slam the door and knock over the fan (he was cold anyway). And I go out to the truck. It’s a MESS. So, I clean the truck out, come in and wake him up. He doesn’t get up. I do my hair and makeup and wake him up, he wants up at seven (he’s supposed to be at work at seven). Fine, whatever. I eat breakfast, make my lunch, and get some clothes out for him. It’s seven, I wake him up. He yells and bitches at me because I got him the wrong clothes. Then he gets his stuff and kisses me and asks, “Are you gonna miss me today?” 

HAHAHAHA…FUCK. NO.

He didn’t apologize, he didn’t say thank you. He just bitched, joked and left. 

I take second prize for being selfish, I admit that…but B? B has taken first all week.

Going Out Tonight and Fuck Him,
Miss Anonymous

P.S. Pray I don’t fall asleep at work today.

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B was asking me about my blog and what I write about. I said, “oh ya know, things on my mind, stuff that happens in my life, problems and issues I’m having, just random stuff.” He says, “Personal stuff?” I tell him yeah, apparently he thinks it’s really weird that I write personal details about my life on the internet for all to see. Wasn’t I just thinking that a few posts ago? Ha, I told him it’s not weird, it’s therapeutic. Now he wants to read my blog. Oye!

It’s Anonymous for a Reason Honey,
Miss Anonymous


Education in America as is, kind of pisses me off most of the time. But there is an exception, I work at Ohio U. as a Records Management Assistant, in the Correction Education/eLearning/Lifelong Learning department. The main focus of that is Correction Education (for what I do that is). And this is the program that allows men and women who are incarcerated to get a degree (only certain fields are available ie; business, accounting) while in prison. Keep in mind they have to pay completely out of pocket. It’s all print based because there’s limited to no access to computers and/or internet.

Anyway, that’s what I do. Well, yesterday during my incessant conversation with v-boy, when I was actually able to get a word in, I attempted to explain my job. And what does he say? “Well that’s great! Now when they get out the can be smarter when they commit crimes and that way they won’t get caught.”

Are you serious? Or are you just that asinine? My job allows these human beings to further their education and try to better themselves that way when they get out, they can actually have a better chance at having a semi-normal career. Leading to them not getting back into the crime that landed them there in the first place. These people did something wrong, yes. And they’re paying for it. And now they’re trying to better themselves and you’re going to say that?! When’s the last time you tried to better yourself?

The fact that our education system even offers this chance to these people is actually kind of incredible to me. I believe everyone should get an equal opportunity at a higher education, and while it’s still not the equal I’d like it to be, this program shows progress of the system getting there. The fact that v-boy is just too vapid to see that, shows me more and more the kind of person he is, was, and sadly…will always be.

No Hope for His Future, Miss Anonymous


L M A O – literally!

So yesterday I made the courageous decision to call v-boy back. I was nervous and…well…let me just tell you what I told my best friend, M via text.

Just wasted fifteen minutes of my life because I decided to actually call [v-boy] back. *insert annoyed looking emoji here* But on the other hand I was remind why it didn’t work out in the first place. *insert thumbs up emoji here* He is the most egotistical, self righteous, better than thou little ass wipe ever. I legit spend 15 minutes of Buffy time to talk to him about how he is so much more “in tune” with the universe. *insert concerned/scared emoji here* Like what the fuck? And I’m 200% positive he was drunk the whole time. *insert -_- emoji here* No change. Almost two years and not one change in his behavior. Makes me laugh so hard because I was actually nervous about what he wanted. *insert laughing and crying laughing emoji here*

Her response, in case you were wondering: Hahahahah!!!!! *8 crying laughing emojis* that’s fucking hilarious.

M, this is why you are my best friend. ❤ I can’t believe I was so freaked the other day when he called. HA! I even had a drink while talking to him (or rather, listening to him talk) because I probably would have shot myself without it. Bad way to end my evening is all I was thinking, then M FaceTimed and it got all better.

I’m happier today, in case you didn’t notice. That call actually made me realize how lucky I am to have B. Even though we have our issues, we always work it out in the end…that’s why we’re strong. That’s why we’re still together.

Sorry this post was so sporadic, it’s just difficult to get my thoughts down right now. 🙂

Yours Truly, Miss Anonymous


I must say, I was upset this morning and last night, but I haven’t brought it up. Not once. It’s getting easier and easier to hold things in. Unfortunately, my journal had been compromised so my only other outlet is to share them anonymously with the public. I feel like I should find that more strange, speaking freely about my personal life with random people on the internet. But I find it relaxing and relieving. I apologize in advance for the more depressing posts I may be writing. Even anonymous people have feelings and yes, sometimes they do hurt.

-Miss Anonymous


I feel as though I’m going to be spending the day crying, or almost crying. I try so hard but then I start thinking and my mind gets in the way of everything. I keep telling myself to just shut up and do it, just do it. But I can’t. I keep talking, like word vomit, it’s uncontrollable and then we fight and we yell and we scream and he leaves and I throw things and I get angry and I apologize a hundred times but it never enough and there goes my brain again. It starts thinking, I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s cheating on me; I know I’m not enough to satisfy him; I’m always doing things wrong; Maybe it would be best if I left; I bet he just wants me to move out; Does he even love me anymore; Why do I screw up every time we’re in a good place…

And I just think over and over again. I thought being with someone who loves me would make things different, would make me different, but it doesn’t. It’s just the same thing, different people. I’m starting to think my fail attempt at having relationships before wasn’t because I was dating assholes, it was just because I was never good enough for them…but not to them, to me. Like, I was never good enough in my own mind to date someone. And here it goes again. I’ve got something potentially great and I keep screwing it up. 

Almost 21 years of life, with all the shit I’ve been through and done, you’d think I’d get over my insecurities and realize that I AM good enough for someone, but no…they creep back in like….well, like something that creeps. 

I’d take feeling nothing at all over feeling like this.

-Miss Anonymous