For the longest time, I’ve wanted to get married young and have a family young. Because my mom didn’t live past 29 and I’ve always been scared I’m not gonna live past 29 too. But this is my life. And I’m only 21. I’m not done with school yet. I don’t want to get married yet. Or have kids. I want to live. I want to go out and have fun and have drinks and be with friends and not worry about anything other than “are the bills paid?” and “am I happy?” Because if the answer to both of those is yes then…why do I need more right now. I’m not gonna rush my life. I’m just gonna live it.
Living My Life,
There is a myth out there that coal can be turned into diamonds. This can happen but the chances are highly unlikely, unless the right circumstances present themselves. So I want to talk about this as a representation of love. There’s that L-word again, it’s brought up so much in today’s society.
I consider what B and I have to be love, why? I’ll explain. See, I’m a total nut job. I know, it’s hard to believe right? 😉 But B is too, in a different way though. The reason we got together and are lasting is because we know how to put up with each other. We know how to talk to each other, when not to talk to each other, and what to say. We know when eggshells need to be walked on and we know when we can just erupt like a volcano. We know each other so well. And that’s love.
When I was little, I always wanted a prince, but B isn’t a prince, he’s a diamond. See, after almost every little girl watches their first Disney princess movie, they start to believe in fairy tales. They start to believe that one day they’ll get a prince. But not every girl needs a prince, some girls need a doctor, or a lawyer, a country man, or an artist, and yes, Kate Middleton…some girls need a prince. Regardless of what that man is specifically, to each girl he is simply, a diamond.
Here’s the point I’m setting up. A diamond is a true love. Someone who will put up with all your flaws. And I say that because it’s easy to get along with all the good aspects of yourself, but when you find someone that will get along with the crazy too…he (or she) is a keeper. Now, once you find a diamond, it’s best you keep hold of it. Sure, there is a lot of coal out there and yeah, maybe one day that coal will become an even bigger, shinier, better diamond…but at the same time, it may just be coal. Once you have diamond, and he/she is yours, you keep hold of it with your life. Because that’s your diamond. That’s your love. There is always going to be a diamond that “looks” better, and there is always going to be coal that could be better. But what you’ve got is already the real thing. What you’ve got already gets you, already loves you, already knows you. It’s not a soul mate, there’s not just one person out there for you, it could be anyone. Anyone could be your diamond. But once you get one to be your diamond, don’t trade in, or try to trade up. Every diamond is precious and wonderful and you need to love the one you have, because it’s yours.
And sometimes, diamonds get grungy, and dirty, and cloudy. And sometimes we loose what it means to possess a diamond. But all we have to do is put in a little effort and that diamond will shine again, and you’ll remember why you love it, and why it’s yours.
Like they say, the grass isn’t always greener on the other side, it’s green where you water it.
XoXo, Miss Anonymous
L M A O – literally!
So yesterday I made the courageous decision to call v-boy back. I was nervous and…well…let me just tell you what I told my best friend, M via text.
Just wasted fifteen minutes of my life because I decided to actually call [v-boy] back. *insert annoyed looking emoji here* But on the other hand I was remind why it didn’t work out in the first place. *insert thumbs up emoji here* He is the most egotistical, self righteous, better than thou little ass wipe ever. I legit spend 15 minutes of Buffy time to talk to him about how he is so much more “in tune” with the universe. *insert concerned/scared emoji here* Like what the fuck? And I’m 200% positive he was drunk the whole time. *insert -_- emoji here* No change. Almost two years and not one change in his behavior. Makes me laugh so hard because I was actually nervous about what he wanted. *insert laughing and crying laughing emoji here*
Her response, in case you were wondering: Hahahahah!!!!! *8 crying laughing emojis* that’s fucking hilarious.
M, this is why you are my best friend. ❤ I can’t believe I was so freaked the other day when he called. HA! I even had a drink while talking to him (or rather, listening to him talk) because I probably would have shot myself without it. Bad way to end my evening is all I was thinking, then M FaceTimed and it got all better.
I’m happier today, in case you didn’t notice. That call actually made me realize how lucky I am to have B. Even though we have our issues, we always work it out in the end…that’s why we’re strong. That’s why we’re still together.
Sorry this post was so sporadic, it’s just difficult to get my thoughts down right now. 🙂
Yours Truly, Miss Anonymous
There was boy I once believed I loved. Even now I’m still not sure I know what “love” is. This boy was a year and half younger than me. He was so cute. And he like me…me. I was this dorky, soon to be senior in high school. And I remembered the last time a boy liked me, it was in eight grade. And now this really cute, funny, smart boy liked me. David.
It was summer and I had just got my very first cell phone. It was a very exciting time, it was a cool blue slide out phone with a full keyboard and everything. And I had unlimited texting. I thought texting was so cool. I asked for all my friends phone numbers, including David’s (I didn’t know he liked me at that point). A couple of days later, he texts me, out of the blue. I still remember what that text said, My mouth hurts. I was making macaroni and cheese when I got it. I of course replied to find out David had just been at the dentist’s office. After that day, we text messaged from the beginning of the day to my phone curfew of 10 pm, everyday, all summer long. He would pause video games to text me back, I found that out from his friends. Then he told me he liked me. And I told him I liked him, too. Actually, I had never liked a boy as much as I liked David at that point. We continued to text, we sat together in church, hung out as much as we could on Sundays but no one knew we liked each other.
Eventually, we both went to church camp. And that’s where we kissed. My first kiss. It was the second or third night there I believe, my team had just won the giant monkey, they gave it to me to hang onto. I walked to the gazebo alone and sat down. David came and sat next to me. Everyone was going to the sand volleyball court to hang out. We walked through the dark together, but he stopped me at a tree. I put the monkey down and he pressed me up against the tree and kissed me. I had no idea what I was doing, but I liked kissing him. After that we joined the group to hang out.
We ran off in secret a few times to kiss the next couple of days, that’s all we did was kiss. He gave me his sweatshirt, a picture of him, a drawing. I took it all home with me. I really liked this boy. On the last day at camp, he asked me to be his girlfriend, I said yes. It was perfect.
Then, my parents found out. Took my phone. And I had to apologize to all the counselors and pastors at church…including David’s dad. My mom was so mad at me. No one was mad at David though. His parents weren’t, the weren’t even mad at me. They liked me.
Then my parents told me all the trouble David had been in. And how he was the reason his parents moved them to San Antonio in the first place. David had never told me any of that. I felt betrayed and hurt and angry.My parents let me call to talk to him, I told him what I knew. He denied it. I broke up with him. He told me he loved me. The next day (Sunday) I took his sweatshirt and ripped up picture and drawing to church and had my mentor return it to him. I remember thinking how mad I was because I loved him too and he lied to me, and my heart broke.
I forgave him. And I secretly kept in touch with him. And at the football game with our two schools, we were going to meet up, but he didn’t. Slowly I realized who he really was. He wasn’t the boy that used to text me over the summer. He was mean, heartless, and cruel. He had a new girlfriend and rubbed it in my face. He played with my emotions. He changed. And my heart broke all over again.
Now, I realize, he never changed. That was who he always was. He just played a very viscous game, very…very well.
I loved who he pretended to be. But I never loved David.
I never knew David.
And now David is just a memory.
Yours Truly, Miss Anonymous
“The following day, I attended a workshop about preventing gender violence, facilitated by Katz. There, he posed a question to all of the men in the room: “Men, what things do you do to protect yourself from being raped or sexually assaulted?”
Not one man, including myself, could quickly answer the question. Finally, one man raised his hand and said, “Nothing.” Then Katz asked the women, “What things do you do to protect yourself from being raped or sexually assaulted?” Nearly all of the women in the room raised their hand. One by one, each woman testified:
“I don’t make eye contact with men when I walk down the street,” said one.
“I don’t put my drink down at parties,” said another.
“I use the buddy system when I go to parties.”
“I cross the street when I see a group of guys walking in my direction.”
“I use my keys as a potential weapon.”
The women went on for several minutes, until their side of the blackboard was completely filled with responses. The men’s side of the blackboard was blank. I was stunned. I had never heard a group of women say these things before. I thought about all of the women in my life — including my mother, sister and girlfriend — and realized that I had a lot to learn about gender.”
“CDC estimates that, annually, 776,000 people in the United States get new herpes infections. Genital herpes infection is common in the United States. Nationwide, 16.2%, or about one out of six, people aged 14 to 49 years have genital HSV-2 infection. Over the past decade, the percentage of persons with genital herpes infection in the United States has remained stable.
Transmission from an infected male to his female partner is more likely than from an infected female to her male partner. Because of this, genital HSV-2 infection is more common in women (approximately one out of five women aged 14 to 49 years) than in men (about one out of nine men aged 14 to 49 years).
Generally, a person can only get HSV-2 infection during sexual contact with someone who has a genital HSV-2 infection. Transmission can occur from an infected partner who does not have a visible sore and may not know that he or she is infected.
A woman with genital herpes may be offered antiviral medication from 36 weeks gestation through delivery to reduce the risk of an outbreak. At the time of delivery a woman with genital herpes should undergo careful examination. If herpes symptoms are present at delivery, a cesarean delivery (also called a ‘C-section’) is usually performed.
It is important to know that even if a person does not have any symptoms, he or she can still infect sex partners. Sex partners of infected persons should be advised that they may become infected and they should use condoms to reduce the risk.”
I would like everyone to take a moment out of their time to read this.
I took a few facts out of an article online at http://www.cdc.gov/std/herpes/stdfact-herpes.htm if you’d like to read the entire thing.
This is important.
Over the years, I’ve heard so much slander and hate focused on one word, “herpes.” I hear it on TV, in books, in health class, everywhere. “Only whores have herpes.” “Herpes makes you dirty and skanky.” “If you have herpes, you’re diseased and can never have kids or a partner.” Some where down the line HSV-2 was turned from a virus, into a life altering disease. Let me tell you a little bit about HSV-2.
First, I have HSV-2. I’m female (Miss Anonymous), 20 years old, living with my boyfriend (who will be referred to as simply “B” in all future posts) in a committed, monogamous relationship. Before B and I entered a relationship, I had sexual intercourse with three other men and used protection every time. I am not a whore or a skank. Let me disclose, there are type types of Herpes simplex virus, HSV-1 is oral and HSV-2 is genital. I found out about two months ago after having an outbreak, which is the actual sores on one’s genital area. The outbreak was painful, to say the least and I was terrified. After getting a diagnosis from a nurse practitioner at Planned Parenthood, I was give Acyclovir, which is the most common anti-viral used to treat HSV. After about four days, the outbreak was almost completely gone. Both B and I did our research and then went and got blood tests. Both tests came back positive for HSV-2. B had never had any signs before, ever. Now, B had a lot of sexual partners before me so he blamed himself. However, if you look at my facts, there is really no way to tell who had it first. One is six people aged 14 to 49 have genital HSV-2 infection. Transmission from an infected male to his female partner is more likely. Transmission can occur from an infected partner who does not have a visible sore and may not know that he or she is infected. And of course, the blatant fact that condoms don’t prevent it, they only reduce the risk. He didn’t know he had it, until my first break out I didn’t know I had it, there was no way to know who had it first and gave it to the other. So the blame game stopped there.
Second, I take medicine everyday to prevent breakouts. B and I are still in a committed, monogamous relationship. We still have sex. We still eat the same things. B still smokes. I still enjoy chocolate and peanut butter on a regular basis. I watch more how I handle stressful situations but that’s all. That’s the only thing that’s changed.
Third, I can and will have children in the future. As long as I’m careful, and take the necessary precautions, my child won’t be born with HSV.
Next, after reading this, I hope that everyone who is sexually active goes out and gets a blood std test preformed. Without an outbreak, and blood test is the only way to get diagnosed. It is important to know that even if a person does not have any symptoms, he or she can still infect sex partners. Do it for you and your partner(s). HSV-2 will not go away, there is no cure for it currently, and it’s not something that should be ignored or put on the back burner. It won’t change your life dramatically, it will only make your more careful, honest, and aware.
Lastly, having HSV-2 does not make anyone less of a person. Herpes is not a bad word, it should not have such a strong negative connotation. No, it’s not a good thing, but it doesn’t make someone dirty or bad either. It doesn’t change who I am, how I feel, how I act, it won’t change my morals or goals or relationships. All having herpes does for me is make me a stronger person. Stronger because I can fight it, and I can raise awareness about it. I want to change opinion about the word herpes from “a dirty, life-altering disease that only whores and dirty people have” to “herpes simplex virus, a virus that even the safest people can get that will change how you live your life, but won’t ever change who you are.”
Yours Truly, Miss Anonymous