I feel stuck. In the worst way. I’m in this routine of things to do and every day, every week, it’s the same thing…I wish I had a guy in my life that was spontaneous. I wish B liked to shake things up, go on random road trips to weird places, try new things, but he doesn’t…he won’t ever change his routine. Hell, he won’t even stop smoking.
Fucking Over It,
They say we define ourselves. They say what we believe to be true about us is usually true about us. If we believe we are strong, we become strong. If we believe we are depressed, we become depressed. Only that’s not true.
I never believed that I am a selfish person person. In fact, when asked, I always had a million different ways to prove I’m not a selfish person. But the fact is, I am selfish. When it comes to B that is. I never think about him and what he wants. It’s always what I want to do, where I want to go, when I want to leave, I wanted something and I made it seem like he wasn’t ever thinking about me if I didn’t get it. But in reality, he is always thinking about me. He does everything for me. We almost broke up last night because of this. He said, “you just take me for granted and you think I’ll never leave.” And he’s right. I do take him completely for granted and I never thought he’d leave. He says we’re okay now but I know that if I don’t change…then it will really be over for us.
Selfish & Scared, Miss Anonymous
So I have another blog on Tumblr. It’s called I’d Rather Be Skinny and, while I hope no one takes offense to it, it’s a blog that track my weight loss, and health change and I post a lot of motivational pics and quotes too. The name isn’t to put anyone down, it’s for me. A lot of people tell me that being chunky (like I am currently) is okay. But I’d rather be skinny, of course, once you look at my blog and read it, I’m doing this is a healthy, get fit way.
If you want to check it out, it’s at www.rather-be-skinny.tumblr.com
Anyway, I met a girl, who is struggle with binge eating (which is an eating disorder) and we talk on kik messenger now. I posted my food story online yesterday, mainly to let my followers know that I struggled for a long time, too. This girl is younger and she get’s so cut down by her parents and while we were talking, I gave her as much advice as I could. She seemed to be relived at the end of our conversation, relieved because she now knows a person who went through it and dealt with and made it and is on the right track to being skinny the healthy way. I met her through an anonymous blog.
I never thought either of my blogs would ever get that much attention. That people may like what I wrote or posted but it would never actually mean anything more. After talking more personally with this young lady, I feel so inspired to keep writing and keep posting and keep working. I feel like my story can actually help others, that my opinions and my writing can have an impact. Who would have thought a diet blog would let me see that? It’s a new day for me.
Today is the day I realize that my writing, our writing, can make a difference.
All my love, Miss Anonymous
“CDC estimates that, annually, 776,000 people in the United States get new herpes infections. Genital herpes infection is common in the United States. Nationwide, 16.2%, or about one out of six, people aged 14 to 49 years have genital HSV-2 infection. Over the past decade, the percentage of persons with genital herpes infection in the United States has remained stable.
Transmission from an infected male to his female partner is more likely than from an infected female to her male partner. Because of this, genital HSV-2 infection is more common in women (approximately one out of five women aged 14 to 49 years) than in men (about one out of nine men aged 14 to 49 years).
Generally, a person can only get HSV-2 infection during sexual contact with someone who has a genital HSV-2 infection. Transmission can occur from an infected partner who does not have a visible sore and may not know that he or she is infected.
A woman with genital herpes may be offered antiviral medication from 36 weeks gestation through delivery to reduce the risk of an outbreak. At the time of delivery a woman with genital herpes should undergo careful examination. If herpes symptoms are present at delivery, a cesarean delivery (also called a ‘C-section’) is usually performed.
It is important to know that even if a person does not have any symptoms, he or she can still infect sex partners. Sex partners of infected persons should be advised that they may become infected and they should use condoms to reduce the risk.”
I would like everyone to take a moment out of their time to read this.
I took a few facts out of an article online at http://www.cdc.gov/std/herpes/stdfact-herpes.htm if you’d like to read the entire thing.
This is important.
Over the years, I’ve heard so much slander and hate focused on one word, “herpes.” I hear it on TV, in books, in health class, everywhere. “Only whores have herpes.” “Herpes makes you dirty and skanky.” “If you have herpes, you’re diseased and can never have kids or a partner.” Some where down the line HSV-2 was turned from a virus, into a life altering disease. Let me tell you a little bit about HSV-2.
First, I have HSV-2. I’m female (Miss Anonymous), 20 years old, living with my boyfriend (who will be referred to as simply “B” in all future posts) in a committed, monogamous relationship. Before B and I entered a relationship, I had sexual intercourse with three other men and used protection every time. I am not a whore or a skank. Let me disclose, there are type types of Herpes simplex virus, HSV-1 is oral and HSV-2 is genital. I found out about two months ago after having an outbreak, which is the actual sores on one’s genital area. The outbreak was painful, to say the least and I was terrified. After getting a diagnosis from a nurse practitioner at Planned Parenthood, I was give Acyclovir, which is the most common anti-viral used to treat HSV. After about four days, the outbreak was almost completely gone. Both B and I did our research and then went and got blood tests. Both tests came back positive for HSV-2. B had never had any signs before, ever. Now, B had a lot of sexual partners before me so he blamed himself. However, if you look at my facts, there is really no way to tell who had it first. One is six people aged 14 to 49 have genital HSV-2 infection. Transmission from an infected male to his female partner is more likely. Transmission can occur from an infected partner who does not have a visible sore and may not know that he or she is infected. And of course, the blatant fact that condoms don’t prevent it, they only reduce the risk. He didn’t know he had it, until my first break out I didn’t know I had it, there was no way to know who had it first and gave it to the other. So the blame game stopped there.
Second, I take medicine everyday to prevent breakouts. B and I are still in a committed, monogamous relationship. We still have sex. We still eat the same things. B still smokes. I still enjoy chocolate and peanut butter on a regular basis. I watch more how I handle stressful situations but that’s all. That’s the only thing that’s changed.
Third, I can and will have children in the future. As long as I’m careful, and take the necessary precautions, my child won’t be born with HSV.
Next, after reading this, I hope that everyone who is sexually active goes out and gets a blood std test preformed. Without an outbreak, and blood test is the only way to get diagnosed. It is important to know that even if a person does not have any symptoms, he or she can still infect sex partners. Do it for you and your partner(s). HSV-2 will not go away, there is no cure for it currently, and it’s not something that should be ignored or put on the back burner. It won’t change your life dramatically, it will only make your more careful, honest, and aware.
Lastly, having HSV-2 does not make anyone less of a person. Herpes is not a bad word, it should not have such a strong negative connotation. No, it’s not a good thing, but it doesn’t make someone dirty or bad either. It doesn’t change who I am, how I feel, how I act, it won’t change my morals or goals or relationships. All having herpes does for me is make me a stronger person. Stronger because I can fight it, and I can raise awareness about it. I want to change opinion about the word herpes from “a dirty, life-altering disease that only whores and dirty people have” to “herpes simplex virus, a virus that even the safest people can get that will change how you live your life, but won’t ever change who you are.”
Yours Truly, Miss Anonymous